journeys

Lessons Learned

The one thing I learned last year (other than don't buy a house without a good reserve in your cash flow) was that working on four books at one time is too much even for me.  I need alternate projects, yes, to manage the ADHD, but four is too many.  So this year I plan to focus on three, and one of those only because it's almost done.  Assassins' Choice should be out to betas sometime in February (I'm going through my read through revision for the last section now, then I have one more crit revision, and, finally, have something I need to weave into the story a little better).  With that off my plate, in general, I'll be focusing on book 2, Quest For Ehlarayn, and my urban fantasy, Blood Charms.  I want to work on Phoenix as well, but I also need to learn to work within my limits.  Doing so might actually get things done in a more timely manner.  And working within my limits might actually help when it comes to having deadlines to meet.

I'm also going to try to update Alden.nu at least once a month.  This is the year I start submitting Assassin's, so working on my online presence might be a good idea.  I've actually not done much on any of the domains over the last year.  It was just too...crazy towards the end there.  anyway, I'm also going back to submitting my shorts with a little more consistency.  I think I've had a long enough break from the process.  I'm still going to try not to let it frustrate me, and back off when it does,  I think it's more the hunting that drives me crazy, especially since I don't submit to non-paying markets any more.

Maybe I'll have more to post here as a result. :)

Not As Busy, Still Going

The house has fallen through.  This is upsetting on so many different levels, but it also means that I have a LOT less stress and a bit more time to focus on my writing.  There's still fallout to deal with: getting youngest into a better school than her home school, cleaning up the financial mess left behind, recovering or adjusting routines that were disrupted and now either need to get back on track or will need to be readjusted to things like youngest's change in schools, and so on and so forth...oh! And unpacking.  We had started packing and the house has kind of...fallen apart in the craziness, so, yea, will be cleaning up, de-fleaing, and unpacking again.  Not particularly thrilled with how things turned out, but I saw what was coming and got my grieving done before the final ax came down, so I'm angry at what happened (and how), but ready to move forward with what we need to do.

The good news is that I kept up on my Assassin's Choice revisions.  I'm halfway through v6 and should have it finished and ready for beta readers by December.  At least that's my hope.  I've been so focused on A.C. that my other projects have been pretty much set aside for the time being.  I might be able to pick them up with less on my mind and less to do, but I'm not going to worry about it if I don't.  A.C. deserves to be done; I've been working on it for far too long and it's just time to get it off the plate and maybe out the door.

Why would I hang onto it after it's done?  My main concern is the chance of a multi-book contract.  I don't see my Alden books taking 2 years or less from start to finish, and most have indicated that 2 years is generally the time expected between books in a series.  So I need to get the second book to the point that A.C. is at now before I run A.C. itself around.  There may be a day when an Alden book will take 2 years or less, it's just not today. ;)

As for the other novels in process: Blood Charms is ready for me to start the building draft (which is the draft before the rough draft: a lot of information is supposed to go into the building draft, but I'm not sure that's what will happen here), and Phoenix Rising is about ready for the rough.  I've not been working on any shorts, and haven't been submitting much either.  This is one of those things I knew to drop since the house stress was already making me crazy.  Submitting shorts is already a frustrating process, so I really didn't need that on top of the house stuff.  I probably won't get back to submissions until the new year.  The current focus is A.C., Charms, and Phoenix.  Once A.C. is finished, I'll be moving on to book 2 in the trilogy, Quest for Ehlarayn, which is already stripped back and ready for me to get back to work on.

In other news, the husband is in culinary school and very happy.  Unfortunately, he also lost his job, which is actually only bad because of the lack of a paycheck.  The job itself was making him miserable and being run in an unethical manner.  We plan to report and sue, it's just taking us time to get it all figured out...and to find a lawyer.  In the meantime, he's looking for work in the industry.  He's not done a resume snow storm as of yet since midterms are a big concern for him right now, but he's started putting a few out, and the school will be holding a career fair especially for its culinary students next week, I believe.  We're looking forward to it.  In the meantime, we're looking a little on our as well.

So, it's going to take some time to get us back on our feet, especially with the job situation the way it is, but I'm ready to move forward and work on it.  And to get back to a full schedule of writing.

Crazy Busy

I keep meaning to post here and keep getting distracted by other stuff.  Even writing has fallen by the wayside of late because there's so much going on.

The good news is that A.C. v5 is done!  I'm working on some changes I need to make, which will end up being v6, then it will go out to betas.  The hope is that there won't need to be much done for v7, and I'll be able to start working up a query letter and the scary synopsis.  If nothing else, I can say it's DONE and I actually FINISHED a novel.

Among the things keeping me busy:

»  A freelance editing job.  Took up 6 weeks, and then was aborted.  I discussed the extensive story problems I had with the author, and he chose to put it on the back burner despite the fact that it had been accepted by a small press.  It amazes me that people trust my judgment that much...now why can't I apply it to my own work?  ;)

»  Buying a house.  I can't believe how much WORK it is to buy a house.  I knew it would be initially time consuming because you have to actually go look at houses.  I didn't realize the time sink would continue all the way through until after the move...and we're not there yet.  At this point, we're waiting for a check we need to help pay a few expenses and for a grant program to process our paperwork.  After everything we've done, the hoops we've had to jump, I've told the husband I'm not doing it again unless we can buy outright.  I think we've pretty much decided we're just going to stay put and never move again.  lol

»  Oldest's unemployment, which impacted the household finances in a big way even though she was out of work only for a couple of months.  Of course, the house stuff has also turned the finances upside down, so it's been a bit of a mess.

»  Getting the husband into culinary school.  He starts in October!  We're so excited for him! :)

»  Dragon*Con this past weekend.  I wimped out and only made it through half of Sunday—still have a lot of healing and strength building to do since the surgery.

This is all just the tip of what we've been dealing with.  There's been changes in routines, eating habits, and all kinds of things going on.  Most of it has been good, thank goodness, but there's been a few upsets.

Right now my biggest challenge is finding time to write in a day that's broken up into a dozen little pieces and often has other things going on that takes up what little pieces I have.  Working on it, but it's definitely tough.  About the only thing not suffering right now is Twitter, and that's just because it's so much easier to slap up a brief "here's what's going on" than to write a scene or chapter or blog post.  Things should be less crazy once the house is finalized and we've moved.

Speaking of crazy busy, have another house related call to make and need to take oldest to work then go to the grocery store, so better get going.

But, yay!  A.C. v5 is done!

Almost There

These latter chapters of A.C. are proving to be difficult because I'm having to make huge cuts and rewrites, so they're going slow.  I've already cut it down by a chapter, and may end up cutting it down by another.  Right now, I have 3 chapters left.  If I lose another will depend on how much the chapter I'm working on now gets cut.  The sad thing is the chapter has a good ending point, and I'm not so sure how well it will work out if I end up needing to split the next chapter between this one and the last chapter.  We'll have to see.

Based on average chapter counts, the novel should end up somewhere between 130-133k.  I am very aware that this might be too high a count for a first time novelist, but I have a couple of chances for cuts before I start submitting.  Once this last round is done, I need to make some corrections and make sure that the world building is consistent.  Then I'll run through the novel again, hopefully fairly quickly, to align it with the changes I have in mind and to make sure any fixes in the world building make it to the novel.  Once that's done, it will go out to beta readers, and I'm sure more than one will tell me what I can lose without killing the story.

I've been thinking about the query letter and the synopsis, and, honestly, they scare the crap out of me.  One thing this novel isn't is simple.  And bringing 600 pages of novel (double spaced, folks) down to 3 is a daunting task.  And the query?  Let's not go there yet.

The good news is it's almost done.  Never imagined getting there with how much hair pulling I've done over it.  And if it never gets published, it did do the one thing I really needed me to do: it taught me A LOT.  I know how I need to write now, I've learned a lot about process in general and mine in specific, I've even learned quite a bit about the critiquing process and how to respond to it.  But most importantly, I've learned that 1) I can write well and 2) I can finish a novel.  Both of these are important since they help with what started off as a near non-existent confidence.  This novel may have been a pain in the butt, but it also employs a lot of advanced techniques, and whether I managed to do them well or not, I did finish.  That alone if a huge boost.  The years have also given me time to work on my confidence level myself.  Still have a ways to go, but I'm 100 times better than I was, and that's probably a bigger accomplishment than the book.

I currently have two other novels in progress: Phoenix Rising is almost to the rough draft stage and Blood Charms is in the early plot building stages.  Both need some world building done, though Phoenix needs less than Charms because it's in the same world as A.C.  Right now I'm just working on writing them at their particular stages.  A.C. is work enough and I don't want to have two novels in a work place at the same time.  I'll wait until A.C. is out to betas then transition to world building for Phoenix.  I'm holding off on "work" for Charms because it's so much fun to write right now, and I want to keep the fun.  I think this is one of the reasons I work multiple projects: so I have something at the fun stage while working on others.  Of course, another reason is the ADHD.  The books allow me to control my distraction and help me keep going forward by giving me enough variety so I don't get bored.

Other than the books, I've been revising a short a week and have started subbing again.  Word counts slacked off for a couple of weeks because of illness and schedule changes, but look to be on the rise again.  Most importantly, I've been very happy with where I am.  Leaving my editing job has not only helped me get to where my first novel is almost done, but has made me a much happier person in general.

Good Weeks Rock

I know all this up energy I've gotten since freeing myself to focus on my writing will eventually be interrupted bad a bad day or two, but right now?  Totally enjoying this energized, motivated, "this is what I should be doing" feeling.

And it shows.

This week, between new words and revisions, was a 13k week.  I can't even begin to remember the last time I had a 10k week, much less a 13.  Even days I have to run around and do domestic things like grocery shopping and picking up medications have been productive writing days.  The Phoenix building draft is now over 51k, I just finished a new version of A.C.'s chapter 33 (two chapters combined, lots of cuts made, and not so much revisions as rewrites—it'll need another go before I do my v5 polish), and just finished the outline for a new project, Blood Charms.  I've also been tinkering with a short, "Pretty Things" and submitted 2 others.

I think the personal changes are helping too.  I wake up tired, do my workout (3 times a week), and have the energy to get to writing even if I woke up tired.

Next week, I'm bumping up my count goal to 1k/day and 6k/week.  This is for new words, and I'll be sitting there for a bit until I'm sure the habit has reformed.  Shouldn't take too long.  I've already learned to do the new words first or my time gets eaten up by other things.  I just have to remember not to forget Phoenix in the process of working on the new project.

And speaking of domestic duties...must run out and get milk and eggs.  Writer or not, being a mom never ends.  ;)

New Focus: Writing

I've made a major change in my life recently: I left my editing position to focus on my writing for the next few years.  My son requires me to be home for at least the next 4, and the editing position was eating up all my time, so resigning and spending the time I'm required to be home on my writing instead made sense, especially since the money being earned really wasn't enough to do anything with and won't be enough to do anything with for a long time.  I spent the latter half of the week before last clearing out of the company and sending them all my files.  Last week was my first week as "only" a writer (and a mother).

It has gone very well, actually.  I was having a great deal of trouble finding to revise A.C. when working for the press, and in the last week and a half I've sorted out chapter 32.  Hopefully I'll work through the remaining 5 chapters more quickly now, get the fixes I need to make for the next round sorted out, v6 done up, and it out to beta readers by summer.  The plan is to get it on the query-go-round before winter.  I've already been threatened within an inch of my life if I don't even try.  *g*  I do have a few agents I want to query and one small press I think I would love to get into despite it being a small press.  Have to admit, a lot of it comes from the name of the press, but they've treated another author I know very well.

In addition to that, I've started a new novel project.  I'm pretty much doing it for fun—it's in a genre that I love to read but am unfamiliar writing, so it will be interesting how it goes.  So far, the ideas I'm working with and the outline are being pretty well received by my writing group.  I love this particular phase of writing, when the ideas are fresh and exciting and all you want to do is work on that one thing.  But B.C. isn't my first priority and shouldn't be my first priority.  It's just nice to have a non-Alden novel in the works.

So, the change has gone well so far.  I'm actually getting through my writing goals rather than having the same goals over and over for weeks at a time.  I've also managed to make some time for personal improvement, like exercise.  And I'm enjoying being able to work on my writing without the nagging sense that others are waiting on something from me like edits or some other response.  I know at some point there will be less energy and excitement, but I'm hoping to have my routine pretty much down enough by then that it will carry me through.

Okay, been avoiding my short story long enough, time to get to it.

And Three Weeks Later

It's just been crazy of late, a lot of it good crazy, but crazy none the less.  The editing job has become very busy.  We're getting a new manuscript every day, and a lot of them are very good and so go on the to the reader panel (which I'm also supposed to be a part of), plus I've had a novella in edits that was just finalized.  So that's kept me very busy.  With my days so full of the job, it has been hard to find time to work on my own things, especially once the kids get home.  Fortunately, that looks like it might be changing as early as next week.  The tax return this year is really decent (the one advantage to almost no income last year) so I'll be picking up a "work" laptop, work meaning writing and editing.  My desk top will remain my graphics/web work computer, and I'll probably be using it during the day before the kids are home from school, but once I have the laptop, I can extend my day and actually get more work done.  At least that's the hope.

As for what I've managed over the last 3 weeks, chapter 30 is done, world building for Phoenix primarily (though there were some loose ends I finished up for A.C. as well), 2 shorts have been revised and one sent to my crit group while the other has been subbed—in fact a total of 7 stories have been submitted, and I've written 2 articles for the other editors that I lead.  I've also had one weekend down because of problems with my DSL provider and have been fighting some kind of sick since the end of last week.  Chapter 31 has been on my to do list, I just seem to keep having problems getting to it.  Guess I should take care of that, huh?

I'm actually doing pretty good on all my goals for the year so far.  Probably the worst category is finances, but that's to be expected.  The return will help some with that as well, then we have to make the rest work.  I've read 2 books so far this year, one while editing it, the other a published novel; my exercise has taken a different slant, but it is working even though most people wouldn't call it exercise (the fact that I see progress in my strength and stamina tells me it's working whether it's traditional exercise or not); my salt intake is way down, as is my PS2 playing (I've replaced it with reading); I'm averaging 5 days out of the week on feel good things; and I'm only 3k short of where I should be for my word count for the year.  Hopefully I'll start getting ahead once I have the laptop.

So, in general, things are going good so far.  Even with being sick right now, I don't have much to complain about.  This winter has been relatively quiet health wise; the youngest hasn't even been hit once with her usual bouts of bronchitis which she usually gets 2 or 3 times through the winter.  I do hate being sick, but hopefully it will continue to be a mild season for us and this will be the only time I need to complain about it.  I just need to get a move on with A.C.  Phoenix has been doing quite a bit of growing, but I'm finding it to be more my avoidance WIP at the moment, which is not necessarily a good thing, although it does help with that word count goal.

Speaking of which, I just finished doing some work on that tonight, and now I need to move on to A.C.  Just need to push on through....

Or threaten myself with another short story.  *g*

Forward Progress At Last

There's just something about deciding that you WILL do something.  No hedging, no "if I can", but a definite "I WILL do this."

2009 started with a little bit of a stumble—I was still struggling with chapter 30 of A.C., but I've since kicked myself in gear.  Today, chapter 30 will be done and posted (along with the 4 previous chapters) to the workshop and sent to my two readers (in a 10 chapter section).

Which also brings up the fact that it's sometimes silly what finally gets us motivated.  In this case, I thought about writing a new short...and ended up finishing off chapter 30.4 revisions in 2 days.  I guess writing a new short is a threat to me?  Whatever works, right?  The only problem with this is that I do indeed need to write a new short.  A Christmas one for a private advent calendar, so I'm going to have to get over it being a threat soon.  I write and revise too slow to wait until we're too much further into the year to get started.

So far this month, I've written or revised a total of 11k.  In new words, I'm holding steady at 3900/week for the moment.  It was a bit of a stretch, so getting back into the habit of making that particular goal each week is more of a priority than trying to push more words just yet.  These words have been split between world building for both A.C. (which is now pretty much done) and Phoenix 1 and working on the Phoenix 1 building draft.  The other projects haven't been touched much yet, and that's fine.  I probably need to get A.C. off my plate first.

There are two things I'm really trying to put into play as I recover from the mess that was last year: 1. knowing my limits and being patient with myself because of them, and 2. easing back into things and being patient with the process.

Knowing your limits is as important as understanding your process, I think.  This doesn't mean you don't try to increase your limits, just that you realize that you have them and may need to build upon them.  Otherwise frustration sets in and you give up.  this was a real problem for me last year because my limits had decreased because of my health issues.  I needed to allow myself to heal before I pushed, but was just too used to pushing to convince myself to do that.  This year, I am measuring success a little differently.  Yes, I want to reach my goals, but I want to enjoy what I'm doing (for the most part since I'll probably always hate revisions) and reach those goals a bit more consistently.  To do that, I have to realize where my limits are, find the point where it's a challenge, then take the time I need to actually consistently reach that goal before I try pushing some more.  Last year, when I made my goals at all, it was more of a "Oh, I made my goal this week!  time to add more for next week."  Habit building just doesn't work that way for me.

Baby steps can be frustrating, but right now, that's what I need to take.  So, I've got a long way to go before I'm where I want to be, and I might have put too much in the goals to be able to reach them all.  The good news is that I still have a lot of year left.  And if I don't reach them all, I'll at least have a better idea of where my challenge point is and either cut back a project or two or keep the same number for next year.

And, really, THAT progress, that understanding of what I need to do to be happier in what I do and be less frustrated with myself and my writing, is a better achievement than the word count so far.

Now, about that exercise problem....  ;)

Looking Ahead

Let's face it, 2008 sucked.  I was sick for 6 months, had surgery, the husband was unemployed, my oldest's marriage disintegrated in record time, we went through 2 cars before getting anything reliable, and, really, need I go on?  As of today, I'm closing the book on 2008 and looking forward.  Here's my goals post from my personal journal.  It's been posted in several places, which I hope will keep me honest and on track.

I don't do resolutions, and I believe this is my first year of making goals other than those that are for writing, but there are some things I want to take care of next year, and goals seem the best way to approach it. To me, a resolution is a promise. You're not saying, "I'm going to aim for this", you're saying, "I will do this." A promise is not something I make lightly, and I try to make promises I know I can keep because I'm giving my word and my word is important to me. It needs to be trustworthy. Resolutions also tend to be inflexible. We don't adjust them based on circumstances or on how well we are or are not doing in reaching them. Goals are easily adjusted. It's a fine line, but a very definite line in my view. Thus goals, not resolutions, for me.

Goals have worked fairly well for my writing. I don't always make them (this past year was dismal, but then I also ended up with a lot of health problems that interfered with my ability to even function much less write), but they do keep me motivated. Since they have worked well for me, and I do have other things I want to reach for this upcoming year, expanding them beyond my writing seems like a logical way to aim for the other things I want in my life. I've been thinking about them for about a week or so now, carefully considering what is reachable and what steps I can take to actually make them. Now I just need to figure out how to make them a part of my daily awareness like my writing is. With my writing, it's easy. The goals are more...conducive to breaking down into weekly goals that I can check off as I reach them. Some of these non-writing goals can be taken care of the same way, others not so much. At this point, I'm thinking of using a post-it note and just moving it in my planner each week. My planner is an important part of my day. I write down my weekly goals, my plans for each day, and cross things off as I finish. It helps keep me on track.

So the goals for next year:

Finances/Family
· get back to splitting the utility payments during the month
· start taking care of the little things around the house (laundry baskets, for ex.)

Now these goals are dependent on saxy keeping his job, and I know that. If the company he's with closes up shop before he finds a new job, we won't be able to get caught up enough to start trying to put these in action. Even if he keeps the job, getting back on track (like we were starting to before he lost his last job) will probably end up with some weeks where we're on a very tight budget in order to make the payments to places we've caught up with while dealing with disconnects. It'll be worth it in the end, but it will take awhile.

as for the second item, we have a number of little things we need to take care of: getting enough silverware and plates to make it through a day now that we have extra mouths in the house, our laundry baskets are these pathetic things that are pretty trashed, and so on. At least these things I can do in bits and pieces as we have a little "extra" money here and there. No big ticket items on this list (washer/dryer, mattresses, etc) because we can't afford those at this point, but the little things that cost $10 or less, those I think I can make progress on. I hope (see the above paragraph).

Personal
· exercise 5+ days/week
· reduce salt intake
· less PS2
· do something to make myself feel good every day

I'm not working on weight related goals here, but health related goals. The exercise goal will probably be the toughest since I seem to have trouble keeping that up. I'm starting small (2 days/week) and am going to work my way up. The salt intake is also a tough one that I tend to go back and forth on, but I think it affects my migraines and I know it affects my blood pressure. The PS2 goal is so I have more time to do more productive things -- my writing, reading, and stuff like that. As for the last one, I figure it'll be easier to keep the other three if I feel good about myself. Something as simple as putting on nice earrings can change my perspective on myself and my day, especially since most days I just end up in front of the comp in my PJs. It's time to give both myself and my day more importance. I'll just have to come up with some creative ways to feel good about myself without resorting to food. ;)

Writing
· finish/submit A. C.
· 375k word count total
· Phoenix to v4/5
· R. K. project to rough draft
· N. P. B. 1rst draft
· finish/sub S. P.

Seems like a lot, but it's not really. This year I only made it to 288k, but last year I made it to about 440k. This year just had all the crap that interfered. A. C. is almost done -- I'm on chapter 30 of my v4/5 revisions. Hopefully one more on my own to fix obvious problems and one more after beta readers, and it will be ready to go. Finishing A. C. is the priority -- I need a novel done if just to prove I can finish one (it's just my tendency to over challenge myself that had me choose one of the hardest books I plan to write as the one to finish; hopefully everything else will seem easy after this monster). N. P. B. and S. P. are my alternate projects for the year -- projects I can work on when my main projects are driving me crazy. Besides, S. P. is very short and could probably be sold this year if I quit delaying on it.

I am also considering doing some work in nonfiction since nonfic actually pays better than fiction at my level (I made my first "pro" sale this year, but it was in nonfic rather than fiction), but since I haven't decided for sure, it's not on the goal list. I may dabble a little and then expand for 2010 if I do well.

Regardless, I'm sure the key to this goal is keeping Friday through Sunday for my writing unless there's a really pressing deadline -- and I mean really pressing. And I need to work on revisions when down watching TV, not just veg out the way I have been of late. I used to take the little spaces in my day to work on writing, but I've stopped doing that since I stopped subbing (teaching). It's time to pick that up again. Have my notebook or current chapter always with me, use my ability to multitask when I can, and so on. This is not to say I don't deserve some down time, just that I need to use my time more wisely. I promise not to take my work with me when the family goes out to eat. ;)

Reading
· 1 book/month

This is an annual goal related to my year of reading clique (which I need to check through sometime soon). My reading has gotten slower over the years, and my schedule makes it difficult to read a book every week or two the way I used to, so a book a month, pretty darn good. I actually managed a bit more this year, but several of them were manuscripts I was editing. I'd like to make this already published books, but that may not be possible either. Besides, as an editor, the books I work on get read 3 or 4 times. I think I can take one of those as reading a book that month. ;) I also have a little other help set up since I'll be joining in the Patricia McKillip challenge this year. My choices actually take care of half the books I need for the year: Cygnet book 2 (need to reread book 1), Riddle Master book 3 (need to reread books 1 and 2), and Harrowing the Dragon. Also on my list: The Queen's Bastard (currently in progress), With the Light vol. 3, and several other books already stacked by my night stand (my to be read pile really is insane). I used to read before going to bed, but that has given way to the PS2...thus the goal to reduce my PS2 time and retake that time with reading and revisions.

It looks like a lot (especially with those explanations in the middle!), but I think I can reach these. I'll reevaluate in June, maybe earlier if the threatened job loss happens (at that point, those goals will have to be let go and survival will be the priority; but let's hope the job loss doesn't happen). I'm really hoping for a better year, especially healthwise. If anything will derail me, that would be it. But, barring that, I think these will do for 2009.

I Need To Write

We writers all have different reasons for writing, but the one reason I think that puzzles non-writers the most is the need to write.  They do not understand how writing can be a need.  Even though I am a writer, that particular reason to write used to puzzle me as well.  But not any more.  I've discovered that I'm a writer who needs to write.

I've written all my life.  I started with cheesy poetry as a kid, wrote a few kid short stories, tried my hand at lyrics (sucked), and went back to short stories around high school with an interest in writing a novel.  Didn't have novel ideas at the time, but was definitely interested.  Even after some dufus "pointed out" that everyone was writing the "great American Novel" and that anything I wrote would probably land in the circular file, I kept writing.  To be sure, i stopped with the short stories and went back to poetry (it was safe) and eventually picked up gaming (which was safer) as outlets for my need to write, but I never stopped writing even when my goals for it changed because some idiot told me I couldn't cut it and I was too sensitive a kid to take that and use it to fire me up.  I wrote until I started subbing, and even then, for the most part, I found ways to write.

However, the one time writing would fall out of my life was when I was long term subbing.  Long term subbing takes up your entire life because you may be the sub, but you ARE the teacher, no matter how impermanent.  You create lesson plan, hunt down or create materials, create tests, grade, go to meetings, and do everything that the regular teacher does.  There's no time for life, much less writing when subbing long term.  It's a hard job and I enjoyed it for about 3 years.  My last long term position took all the joy out of the job for me, and I finally resigned from subbing at all.  But whether I loved them or hated them, there was one thing all my long term positions had in common....

The lack of writing.

I had no time to write at all.  I barely had time to read more than the textbooks at hand, the materials from meetings, and so on and so forth.  Long term subbing was hard.  But I'd had other sub positions that were longer than a day and shorter than a week, positions where I was expected to create/grade the homework and so on, and I never had the same downturn in emotions and attitude as I did when long terming for months.  The biggest difference?  No writing.  For MONTHS.  Not a few days, not a week or so -- months.

And I discovered what happens when I don't write fresh words for a long time:  I become irritable and snappish, I lose interest in other things I enjoy, the PS2 gets more time than my creative well, and I end up being someone very different, someone unlikable and almost impossible to live with.  Once I start writing, and I mean writing fresh words, new words, working on stories and creative projects that are new  and untouched, all of the nastiness fades away.  I come back to myself.

I haven't been writing for awhile.  Oh, every now and then I pick up Phoenix, but I don't work on it consistently.  My focus has been A.C. and critiques for my writing group, not new stuff.  In fact, most of the stuff I've even looked at lately is stuff that needs revisions.  I even set aside my short stories for a few months because I was tired of dealing with the market aspect of things.  I never even thought that there might be another reason to write those shorts: to keep me sane while I worked on the novels.  And lately there seems to be a change of mood that has no other real source, nothing I can point at and go "that's what's making me this way."  That's how it always is for me when the not writing mood builds -- it seems to have no real source that I can point to for the reason.

So, tonight I'm going to set aside A.C. despite being behind, set aside the crit I started, even set aside Phoenix and work on a new short instead.  And starting tonight, I'm going to try to make sure I get fresh words in at least every few days.  I suspect it will not only help my moodiness, but that it just might help me become faster in my revisions and help with the restlessness and lack of motivation that's been plaguing me lately.

Some of us writers write because we NEED to write.  Apparently I'm one of them and I better stop ignoring that fact.